The Musings of a Wandering Mind

A Cry in the Dark

2010-02-12T17:14:00.001-05:00

As if I weren't delinquent enough, Facebook ate my blog. Facebook eats many blogs.

Thanksgiving Highs and Lows

2008-12-01T18:00:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving High

Basie and I wrestled and cooked this 23-pound bird to juicy and savory perfection! And yes, that is bacon. Everything tastes better with bacon.
There was also no drama. However, an oddly simple, yet nice, friend of a cousin was invited. When asked if she wanted a second cup of hot chocolate, she asked, "Do you have any hot chocolate?" Quiconque was befuddled, as was I. I ignored her and gave her a second cup of hot chocolate. She also draped herself all over our couch and fell asleep like she owned the place. But without her, who would I talk about?

Thanksgiving Low

Upon returning from a mere 6-hour date on Saturday (from 1 to 7), Basie and I found the front door to our house wide open and lights on. Neither Qui, SuperFudge or the Mad Monk were inside. We called the police. Our new, lovely, 37-inch flatscreen TV was gone! The perps climbed in through the second-story dining room window and walked out the front door with the TV. Bastards. The drawers in the bedrooms were turned out, but nothing really taken besides a small digital camera. They were kind enough to leave the memory card. Luckily there were no pictures of them doing rude things with our toothbrushes.

Oh, they also stole a porno Basie got for his bachelor party. I guess they can watch some porn in high-def now.

It Figures

2008-08-26T10:12:00.004-04:00

Sometimes, there are those days when your cupcake falls head first onto your pens.

Knee Update

2008-08-19T16:23:00.003-04:00

So I had a "surgical" consult for my knee this morning. I was refered to the surgeon by my non-surgeon orthopedist in the same hospital. I left the doctor's office feeling a little shaken up, like I had just defended myself on trial, and kinda angry.

The surgeon's "resident" examined me first, and took my history. Then he left and I suppose checked out the MRI with the surgeon. When they returned, the surgeon sat in the chair, leaned forward and peered at me, "Why do you think you need surgery?" Kind of taken aback, I ran through my list of symptoms. I didn't realize that I had to defend myself, and besides, I was referred here by another orthopedist, I didn't seek him out on my own.

Then the surgeon poked and prodded on his own. He squeezed my knee and exclaimed surprisedly, "Effusion!"(swelling). I thought to myself, well no duh, I just told you my knee is constantly swollen.

I have been re-diagnosed as having "chondromalacia"--a wearing and/or fraying of the articular cartillage. He said he looked at the MRI and didn't see the meniscal tear that was originally noted. What about the hole into my bone; what's that, not OCD? Just a location where the cartillage is severely worn, he explained.

He recommended another round of physical therapy. I explained that I already went through a round of PT that helped to a degree, but I still experienced pain and irritation at the knee. Well, you must have been doing the wrong exercises, he replied dismissively. So he gave me a "new" physical therapy instruction, that contains exactly the same exercises that were supposedly wrong. Unfortunately, the PT scrip was given to me by the secretary so I didn't have a chance to tell the surgeon.

I also got a prescription for naproxen. I've taken so much naproxen for my knee in the past that I think my stomach lining, kidneys and liver may be compromized. He also suggested that I get my weight "under control", like it is some wild beast that needs taming. Look, I am the first person to say that I can afford to loose a few pounds, okay, more than a few pounds. And I understand that being lighter puts less stress on one's joints. But if my weight were really a significant contributor to my problem, wouldn't my right knee be suffering since it's been doing most of the work for 10 years now?

Needless to say, I left feeling kinda angry and slightly in shock since it felt like the surgeon was treating me like a moron. I have a follow-up in 8 weeks, after my 6 weeks of PT. I will do it, just to prove him wrong. Because nothing motivates like vindictiveness!

OCD

2008-04-10T18:12:00.000-04:00

I have finally decided to see a real orthopedist about my painful left knee. You might remember that I blogged about seeing an orthopedist who diagnosed me with patello-femoral pain syndrome. Well, after a particularly busy and active Decemeber, my knee hurt so badly that I could not even raise my leg at the hip. I decided to bite the bullet and get a second opinion. Armed with insurance coverage that does not require a referral from my primary care physician to see a specialist, I googled and visited the best hospital for orthopedics in New York City.

My new doctor was extremely thorough--took a history of knee pain that started over 10 years ago, poked and proded both knees (which hurt like a mofo), and requested that I get an MRI to rule out a tear to my meniscus. An MRI, what a concept! You mean actually look a the structure of the knee before making a diagnosis? Revolutionary! He also gave me some home therapy exercises to do, stating that strengthening the muscles around the knee could help the pain.

One MRI later and I was back at the doctor's office for the results. I don't think the results are good when the doctor says, "I needed to keep checking to make sure that you are only 31 years old." Well, the bottom line is: My knee is messed up. The major source of my pain is "a focal, full-thickness chondral defect" measuring 1cm in diameter in the lateral portion of my femur. Which means, I have a full-thickness crater in my cartillage on the outside of my femur. Other nastiness includes: bone spurs on my tibia, sclerosis near the site of the crater (or signs of osteoarthritis), scar tissue on my ACL, MCL and fibular collateral ligament reflecting low-grade partial tears, a small tear at the tip of my medial meniscus, and "lateral infrapatellar fat pad edema" (why they gotta talk about my fat pad?) which basically means there is inflammation behind my knee cap.

So what now? Well, I have been prescribed a course of physical therapy which involves muscle strengthening and some ultrasound to increase the blood flow to the knee and hopefully promote healing. If that doesn't work, orthoscopic surgery to fix the defect.

My PT scrip, under precautions, reads: "lateral femoral condyle OCD." I googled what that could mean. Two things came up, both related--osteochondral defect, and osteochondritis dessicans. Both have the same symptom--crater in the cartillage with the missing bit floating about the knee somewhere as a "loose body". The "-itis dessicans" has associated inflamation. However, the doctor did not point out a loose body in the MRI. Whatever. I still have a crater.

I had my first PT session yesterday. The therapist was amazed at how strong my legs were considering the extent of my injury. My right thigh is slightly larger than my left, though, most likely due to years of favoring the left knee. So I got the ultrasound treatment and a knee massage before the strength training. The tech who was showing me the exercizes was also amazed at my strength and ease with which I did the exercises. He kept saying, "Kristen said you were strong!" Now, I must either be Popeye, or they are used to dealing with some feeble individuals. I like to think that I am strong.

Today, my muscles do not hurt. And the knee actually doesn't hurt all that much, either. However, I think most of the improvement has to do with the ultrasound and the massage, rather than the strength training, as my left leg is already pretty strong. But we shall see. My knee could just be happy because it's warm outside.

Hold Your Horses

2008-01-29T14:14:00.000-05:00

Yes, I know I have had life-altering events happen in my life that you are all dying to read about. However, I do not have the time right now to do them any justice. So you will all have to wait a little while longer.....

Selfishness

2007-11-20T14:42:00.001-05:00

Am I being selfish to want my mother to attend my bridal shower even though she does not want to, for reasons known only to her?

When asked why she doesn't want to go, I get "Because I don't want to go." When I call to see how things are going, she tells me, "You want me to go even though I don't to, so I'm packing."

She's clearly playing Martyr, so that makes me not want to give in. And I don't think I will.

Vanguard

2007-11-16T18:30:00.000-05:00

Further proof that I am ahead of my time:

http://nymag.com/movies/features/videos/40655/

Out of the Mouths of Moms

2007-11-10T09:38:00.000-05:00

A few nights ago, I was explaining to my mother my recent field project at work. I am currenly cleaning some interior elements in a church that suffered from a fire. After going into the specifics of the cleaning process, my mother responds, "They should pay someone to do that!" Um...yeah...that's my job. They are paying me to do that. :-(

Gay Marriage?

2007-10-26T10:09:00.000-04:00

Basie and I are currently shopping for wedding bands. We found a very hip and affordable jewelry company with a store in SoHo, so we went to check it out. We tried on a few simple and stylish bands. Basie tended to opt for the understated, no-nonsense bands. A very nice and patient salesperson helped up figure out our ring sizes, and helped us try on the rings, delicately placing the rings on our fingers.

When we left the store, I asked Basie what he thought about the rings. He responded, "I don't know. I feel kinda gay with the ring on."

Slightly flummuxed, I retorted, "There's nothing inherently gay about a wedding ring. What was gay, however, is having the flamboyantly gay salesperson place the ring on your ring finger while commenting, 'Oh, you have such long fingers!'"

Shaken not Stirred

2007-10-19T14:35:00.000-04:00

While walking down 5th Avenue on my way back from a site visit to a construction site on The Upper East Side, I passed Pierce Bronsan. He was looking handsome. I was looking shmutzy and sweaty. Of course.

I have been back to the site a few times now, ever on the lookout for Mr. Bronsan. But I have not been graced with another encounter. I'm sure he'll pop up again when I am looking my worst.

Genius!!

2007-10-05T15:04:00.000-04:00

This makes me happy.

http://www.onehorseshy.com/lowbrow/guess_what_chicken_butt/

Cote d'Ivoirian Scam

2007-09-07T18:03:00.000-04:00

marriedtothesea.com

Well, I have be solicited to receive a bank transfer of a large sum of money from a dormant bank account. It is my time receiving such a scam and I am very amused by it. It's so far-fetched and unbelievable, I wonder how people fall for it. Here's what was proposed (with my thoughts in parentheses).

Dear HELLASTOPHELES,

My name is FRANCK WAD a Banker and accountant with Bank Atlantique Cote Ivoire.I am contacting you in regards to a business transfer of a large sum of money from a dormant account. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day.

I am the personal accounts manager to Engr Lake HELLASTOPHELES Lauren (a very odd name for a man, to say the least), a National of your country (but Engr Lake HELLASTOPHELES Lauren doesn't sound like an American name), who used to work with an oil servicing company here in Cote Ivoire. My client, his wife, and their three children were involved in the ill fated Kenya Airways crash in the coasts of Abidjan in January 2000 in which all passengers on board died. Since then I have made several inquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but has been unsuccessful.

After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the internet,to see if I could locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. (Wow! It's remarkable that he was able to track me down as my last name is the 12th most popular surname in the US. And Lauren is not my last name.)Of particular interest is this huge deposit with our bank here in our country Cote Diviore,where the deceased has an account valued at about ($16 million US dollars).They have issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or our bank will declare the account unservisable and thereby send the funds to the bank treasury.Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over last 6 years now, I will seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account valued at ($16million US dollars) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money.

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under all legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. (Uh.....?)

In your reply mail, I want you to give me your full names, address, date of birth, telephone and fax numbers. (Who in their right mind would do this?) If you can handle this with me, reach me for more details. Thanking you for your anticipated cooperation.

Sincerely,FRANCK WAD.

A Year in Review

2007-09-01T19:14:00.000-04:00

I have been working at the new conservation firm now for little over a year. A few weeks back, I had my yearly review. One of my (three) weaknesses was "Can be dismissive of those who are not as smart." Is it that obvious?!

However, it must not have been that big a deal, as I have been made "Associate." Eat your heart out, morons from my old company!

Two Realizations

2007-07-10T16:30:00.000-04:00

#1. I am a poor blogger. Delinquent, perhaps is more accurate. It's the same issue I have with keeping a journal. I seem incapable of being consistent about it.

#2. I am not a cute as I used to be. I look at pictures of myself from 5 years ago, and I was cute. But I didn't think so then. I look at recent pictures of myself and wonder when my head got so wide. I'm also getting wrinkles under my eyes. I bought a fancy Neutrogena eye cream. I hope it works.

The Man in the Elevator

2007-06-06T14:51:00.000-04:00

The man in the elevator with me this morning turned to me and said, "I mean no disrespect, but you have a nice, beautiful, fresh scent."

Idle Time

2007-05-02T13:53:00.000-04:00

A little something to while away the time.....

Gender Genie

And, Oh Yeah....

2007-01-25T21:11:00.000-05:00

I turned 30 on the 19th of January.

I don't feel 30. Then again, I'm not sure what 30 is supposed to feel like. However, I do know that I still have to think about how old I am when someone asks me, and my answer often shocks me. When did I grow up?

On a less philosophical note:
On my birthday weekend of 4 days, I averaged 1.25 cakes a day! Can't beat statistics like that!

My Very Special Christmas (continued)

2007-01-25T20:48:00.000-05:00

It seems that my getting felt up by Basie's family was some sort of initiation, because he proposed on December 30th. I am en-gagged.

Basie invited me to his Friday night gig. On the way home, he said he needed to stop by his place to drop off his stuff. I told him that I would just wait in the car, but he asked that I go inside with him. So I did, and we hung out for a bit in his room. Then he said that we should go into the living room. Why, I asked. He said because it was a little more comfortable. This is not true. The living room contains a bookcase, three chairs and a tv with no reception. But I said okay and took the comforter with me. I thought perhaps he wanted to watch a movie. So I got all bundled up and cosy on his most comfortable chair and waited for him to come in.

When he entered the living room, he was carrying a white ceramic box. "What is that?" I asked repeatedly. Then he got on his knees, and started to cry, which made me cry, and he asked me to marry him. I said yes, and he put the ring on my hand. Then we drank champagne.

Apparently, my mother knew all about the ring since November. We had this ring designed in 2005. But unbeknownst to me, Basie got the money together to get it made. In November, the prototype was ready for viewing and he took my mother to go with him. They picked out the sapphire together. My mother also knew when Basie was going to ask me and she loaned him the champagne flutes. Sneaky mommy!!

More fun with planning a wedding in the upcoming posts....

My Very Special Christmas

2006-12-28T17:47:00.000-05:00

This year was my first Christmas away from home. Excitement was mixed with a tinge of sadness as I boarded the plane at LGA bound for Columbus, OH.

I spent Christmas with Basie and his family in Xenia, OH, a town made famous in 1976 when I tornado nearly wiped it out. Having visited the Xenia relations before, I knew that I would have a good time. However, I would miss my mother and sister.

Basie's family made me feel like one of theirs, and I got "felt-up" on three separate occasions by two small children and an old woman.

On Christmas day, a rambunctious 4 year old jumped on my back. Needing somewhere to hold on, he reached down and grabbed hold of my breasts. I quickly removed his hands and wrapped his arms around my neck.

The morning after Christmas, Basie's brother-in-law's mother thanked me for letting her use the guest room, as I slept on the couch. She is an old, tedious Cuban woman, who is very touchy-feely. As she thanked me, she reached around in front of her (she was standing behind me) and proceded to rub my chest. Everywhere. I prompty took her hand and removed it, telling her that it was no problem for me to sleep on the couch. (Just get your hands off my tits!)

That night, while waiting for another one of Basie's sisters and brother-in-law to go to the movies, I was coloring with their 4-year-old son. I proceeded to color the girl in the book brown with black hair. The 4-year-old asked me if the girl in the picture was me, then told me to color the boy in the picture to look like him. As I am coloring, he proceded to lift the lapel of my shirt and look inside. "Uh...Excuse me," I said. "Oh," he replied, and released my shirt.

Perhaps it's some sort of family initiation.

Or perhaps they are just wondering whether I have implants or not...

Shakespeare got to get paid, son.

2006-09-29T11:05:00.000-04:00

Pretty witty website. Some posts are a little obscure, but some are laugh-out-loud funny.

9-12-06 and 9-5-06 are two of my favories.

Enjoy.

http://www.marriedtothesea.com

Loser

2006-09-14T18:31:00.000-04:00

I found this flipping through my work notebook. It's patheticness made me laugh.

Fast Work

2006-07-29T08:19:00.000-04:00

I got fired from my old job on Monday.
I made some calls to a friend who put in a good word for me at her place of employment.
I set up an interview on Tuesday for Friday.
I went to the interview on Friday, and got myself a job--same pay, better benefits. I start on August 14th. They wanted me to start immediately, but I want some time off.

Quiconque says that I don't know how to be unemployed.

Free at Last!

2006-07-25T09:45:00.000-04:00

My "slacking" has paid off. I got fired from my job of 4 years yesterday. After several meetings full of tedious words, I was finally released from my prison sentence. El Jeffe said, "I think that our professional relationship should come to an end. Do you have anything you want to say?"

I had to bite my tongue from saying what I really wanted to say. "Nope," I replied.

I feel that El Jeffe and Number 2 had their minds made up about me long ago. Nothing I could say would convince them otherwise. Despite producing examples that disproved their "slacker theory", I was told that there were lots of things that I did that were great, but the bad things outweigh the good. So they were basically telling me, Nothing you say will prove that you are a hard worker. I could not win.

So now I am part of the problem. Which for right now is alright. I am sad that I got fired. No one likes that. But now I don't have to work for passive-aggressive, spineless people anymore. And that is refreshing.

Slacker

2006-07-06T23:26:00.000-04:00

It turns out that I am the office slacker.

Through no fault of my own, El Jeffe has decided that I am unproductive. Nevermind the fact that I have completed 5 projects in the first 6 months of the year, as well as currently working on two $150,000+ projects.

It all started at the end of May when El Jeffe asked me about a few of my projects in a very condescending manner. Taken aback, I asked #2 if El Jeffe thought I was a slacker. I received an email from #2 stating that El Jeffe was concerned with "office productivity" and my name did come up.

What?! I was shocked. I always thought myself a committed and hardworking employee.

El Jeffe was attending all-day meetings for the next two days, so I could talk to him face to face. But I managed to gather all my courage and I sent him the following email (El Jeffe has a Trio that he checks constantly) : "Is there a question as to my productivity in the office?" I thought that was very brave of me since El Jeffe also seems to think that I don't speak out enough.

And I waited for a response.

In the meantime, I was a basketcase. I was distraught the entire night. I was prone to fits of crying and I cultivated a wicked headache. I called Barbarella, who abandoned us for Utah, for moral support. We bitched and co-miserated. It cheered me up.

The next day, I had a chat with #2 and we discussed El Jeffe's concerns with my productivity. It was all basically El Jeffe thinking that things should have been happening quicker without realizing that he was the one slowing everything down. So I wrote El Jeffe an email, a LONG-ASS email, breaking it all down. I explained why certain projects we taking longer than he expected and how I had made every effort for things to happen in a timely manner. I also pointed out where he was to blame, but in a nice way.

It made me feel better. I got out what I wanted to get out. And I felt I got the upper-hand by confronting El Jeffe first.

And I waited for a response.

And I waited for a response.

And I waited for a response.

I have spoken to El Jeffe since my email. He actually acknowleged receipt of it. However, he has yet to comment on any of my points. It's been about 6 weeks.

I am over it now. I know the score. I know how things work now. I'm watching my back.

I have discovered that El Jeffe is distracted by new and shiny employees. When you are new, you are golden and can make objects float with your mind-powers. But you are quickly replaced by newer and shinier employees, and suddenly deemed incompetent.

My poo-obsessed colleague, who has been at the company for nearly 6 years, is paranoid for me. Everytime El Jeffe sees me and I am not working, she asks if I think El Jeffe will count that against me. I do not know, and I cannot care too much about it because it will drive me crazy. So while I will continue to do my work and be social, I cannot, as Ashy suggested, write blogs on company time. I need to salvage what I can so that I can get a raise come review time.

Absence

2006-06-29T17:03:00.000-04:00

I know, I know! I haven't had much of a blogging presence this month. Too busy. And after spending 8 hours in front of a computer, I have little desire to do so when I get home. But I promise to write soon. I have tales of office drama....

Till then, mes amis....

"The Death that Existed Inside of Me"

2006-06-02T10:06:00.000-04:00

My co-worker, ever obsessed with "cleansing the system" brought this...interesting...website to my attention. Why the "things" must be displayed the way they are, I do not know. I do know that the faint of heart should not click on the link.

When Animals Attack (almost)

2006-04-21T10:03:00.000-04:00

When I was walking to the bus yesterday morning, I was semi-attacked by a dog! I was a block away from my house when I spotted a black border collie ahead of me. The dog was acting slightly strangely. It was darting around with no real destination in sight. And you know how dogs lift their hind leg to pee on a tree, or hyrdant, or building, or something vertical? This dog lifted its hind leg to pee down on the grass. I thought to myself, hmmm, this dog is weird.

It had a blue collar on with a chain tangled around it. The dog must belong to someone.

As the dog and I crossed paths, I thought, "Please leave me alone." But it didn't. It started barking at me, "WOOF! WOOF WOOF!!" And it jumped up on me, barking, "WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!" I was scared and hoped it wouldn't bite me. I stepped back and the dog got down, but it didn't stop barking. It circled around my back toward my right, still barking. All I could think of was, "Please don't bite my bottom." When it got around to my right, I put my finger to my lips and said, "Shh!". It stopped barking and went off to harrass other people. I quickly went on my way with one eye making sure I wasn't being followed.

I was happy this morning, that the border collie was no where in sight.

Nerdy Endeavors

2006-04-18T14:06:00.000-04:00

I am currently reading this book, Zero: The Biography of a Dangerous Idea.

It has captivated the nerd in me. It makes me want to refresh my calculus skillz. (I had mad calculus skillz, back in the day.)

The Rain in Spain Falls Mainly on My Head

2006-03-31T13:00:00.000-05:00

I have recently returned from a trip to Andalucia, Spain--a very charming region of ancient cities. A state famous for its Flamenco, bull fighting, sherry, goat cheese and pork.

See, my friend was turning 30 and decided to celebrate her 30th with a trip to Spain. We stayed in a villa in a town called Chiclana de la Frontera in the province of Cadiz. Traveling with a group of people with different agendas is tough. So we split up quite a bit.

Unfortunately for us, the weather was terrible. I got sick. It rained the entire time we were there, except for the day we left, when it was sunny and warm--Spain's big middle finger send-off to us. But, we soldiered on and had a fine time.

Here's a pictoral summary of my trip. (You can make the photos bigger by clicking on them.):

Small, winding, cobblestoned streets of Cadiz

The Cathedral in Cadiz

The Windy Bridge of Rainy Death, or
The Rainy Bridge of Windy Death, Cadiz

The Alhambra, Granada

Granada

La Barossa Playa, Chiclana

Orange trees, Sevilla

The Cathedral and Giralda (tower), Sevilla

Why You Gotta Be a Bitch All da Time?

2006-02-27T17:00:00.000-05:00

I had a small moment of frustration the other day when, on two consecutive occasions, Basie failed to correctly follow my directions. Both involved finding items in the house. (Perhaps men don't like to ask for directions because they do not listen to them when they are given, and therfore cannot find where they need to go. Just a theory. Anyway...) I got frustrated; I yelled a little. My mother, upon hearing my frustrations, said to me, "You are being a bitch. At least wait 20 years, like I did, before you start being a bitch to Basie."

I responded, "Why should I wait 20 years to be bitch? He should know right now what he's getting himself into!"

My mother conceded, "I guess you are right."

Which got me thinking:
How many people out there pretend to be something they are not when they are first dating?
Is that how some abused women can say, "He used to treat me so well?"
Wow, my mother really thinks that I'm a bitch.

Birthday Dinner

2006-01-20T16:30:00.000-05:00

I requested a birthday dinner last night--meatloaf, roasted garlic mashed potatoes and spinach. Dinner was presented on the table. Baby Beast pointed to the meatloaf and asked, "Is that a giant doo-doo?" He seems to be poo obsessed. The ever-naughty Quiconque told him that, yes, it was a giant doo-doo. But his grandmother went on to explain that humans do not eat doo-doo.

"But monsters do," Baby Beast corrected.

"Ah, but we are not monsters"

But all I could say was, "Don't you be talkin' bad about my birthday dinner!" After all was said and done, the giant doo-doo was very tasty!

Just Another Name for Knee Pain

2006-01-11T18:03:00.000-05:00

I finally bit the bullet and got a referral to see an orthopedist about my painful knees. And I actually made use of the referral went to see the doctor. I sat upon the examining chair. The doctor lifted the legs of my jeans and proceeded to poke and prod my knees asking if this and that particular jab hurt. None of it did. The doctor then moved the lower part of my leg around. "Does this hurt?" he asked. Nope.

"I know what you have," he said with authority. "Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome."

Now, I'm no doctor, but that just sounds like a fancy way of saying I have knee pain. And based upon the limited research of the syndrome I have performed so far, it appears that I am correct.

Something like this has happened to me before. I was experiencing small back spasms in the muscle near my right shoulder blade. I went the doctor (a different doctor than the one I have now) and explained my plight. After giving me a check up, the doctor astutely informed me, "What you are getting are back spasms." Why hadn't I thought of that?

Back to my knees....
Apparently, according to both the orthopedist and my research, there is no consensus on the cause or treatment of patellofemoral pain syndrome. I'm not sure if it has an official acronym, but I will refer to it as PPS from now on. Potential causes of PPS include:

Overuse and overload
Foot pronation
High arches
Large Q-angle
Weakness and/or inflexibility of the quadriceps and hamstrings

Potential treatments include:

Physical therapy to strengthen quads and stretch hips, hamstrings, calves and iliotiban band
Rest
Ice and anti-inflammatories
Knee sleeves and braces

The orthopedist recommended that I go to physical therapy to strengthen my quads. I personally do not believe my quads to be weak, but whatever. But then he went on to make very impractical requests, indeed.

"Can you avoid stairs?" Um, I live and work in New York City. And I physically live in a three-story house, so no, I cannot avoid stairs.

"So what do you do for a living?" I am an architectural conservator. I often climb ladders and scaffolds. "Well, if your knee pain persists, you might want to consider finding different employment." I refrained from calling the doctor an idiot. I have spent too many years and too much money to do what I do. I'll just have to find a solution.

So I will go to physical therapy. I will strengthen my knees. I will use ice and Naproxen (an anti-inflammatory prescribed to me by my doctor). I will buy arch supports for my crazy rotating feet. And hopefully something will work. But it's just my luck to have a condition no one really understands.

Swamped Thing

2006-01-05T19:55:00.000-05:00

I have been missing for quite a while, haven't I. I apologize. I have been very busy with work and moving office, and Christmas, and vacations, and more work.

Perhaps a new year's resolution would be to be more prolific in my blogging for 2006. Hopefully that means I will have plenty to write about. I have been told that my blog is "inquisitive", whatever that is worth.

Separation of Church and Deli

2005-11-30T17:00:00.000-05:00

I think the deli man prayed over my sandwich. He paused, head bowed over my lunch, eyes closed, lips muttering. Then he put the top on the sandwich, wrapped it in deli paper and handed it over.

That's weird, right?

Subway Encounter

2005-11-15T16:40:00.000-05:00

The weather forecast said rain for today. I wore my yellow raincoat since my morning was spent outdoors. However, there was very little rain. On the subway platform waiting for the train, a gregarious man approached me. "Don't you feel stupid wearing a raincoat and it's not going to rain? I wouldn't be caught dead in a yellow raincoat. It's like wearing a bull's-eye!"

Oh yeah....well, screw you!

By the way, it's raining now. I am vindicated!

Survival Guide #1

2005-10-18T16:10:00.000-04:00

Grrr and Argh.

I wrote a brilliant post. Honest. But something odd happened when I went to spell check it: I lost all that I wrote. And I cannot write it all again. I haven't the stamina. So here's the highlighted version:

I went to a strip club last month for my friend's bachelorette party.
I didn't want to go, but Basie convinced me.
Male stripping is not erotic.
There is much acrobatics, alcohol, bad music, and simulated sex acts.
Strippers touch the women; the women grope the strippers.
Basic exchange: stripper simulates sex act with female patron; female patron gives money to stripper.
I am clever, and I share this with you. Should you find yourself in a male stripclub and want to avoid the embarrassing simulated sex with a half naked gyrating man, simply state, "I am sorry. I have run out of money." The naked man will leave you alone.

In Memoriam

2005-10-16T06:00:00.000-04:00

"Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color."
--Separation by W.S. Merwin

It's a Small World Afterall

2005-08-31T10:53:00.000-04:00

Universes are colliding. My world is closing in. Circles are intersecting with circles.

Come back with me to my stint at online dating. A man from the conservative site (you know the one of which I write) contacted me and we struck up a correspondence. However, at the same time, I had started dating Basie. As we all know, Basie and I got more serious and I ended my correspondence with, let's call him Clovis. Things ended well. Both parties were polite and courteous.

Fast forward to the end of July/beginning of August (I cannot remember when exactly). Basie is driving me to work. We are trying to merge to get onto the highway. Basie says to me, "That man over there is giving me a dirty look!" So I look over, and Clovis is in the car next to us.

Fast forward again to today. I receive an email from Quiconque asking about the probability of there being two Clovises from the Bronx and if this is the one I let slip away. Qui received an email from a Clovis from the Bronx asking to join a group of Bronx bloggers. Sure enough, it is the same Clovis. He's got a blog, choc-full of social consciousness.

I can run, but I cannot hide....

Aliases

2005-07-30T16:30:00.000-04:00

I decided to peruse my bulk mail this afternoon in case any important messages accidentially fell through the cracks. Amidst the run-of-the-mill spam offering to increase my penis size, claim unsolicited prizes , and reduce my debt the Christian way, I found some "messages" with the best sender names I have ever seen. These messages are banal--mostly offering discount medication and inquiries as to my well being. But the names, oh the names. I think I might have to use a few.

Overbites R. Misstepped
Warheads L. Sapience
Promotes S. Trifles
Brandished Q. Sickeningly
Underwent C. Galloping
Approximately B. Huddle
Compresses L. Medals
Thistledown J. Velor
Kneecap K. Developers
Strikes Q. Hopped

What Happens in Vegas...

2005-07-19T15:22:00.000-04:00

...ends up as a blog entry.

Vegas. I was there for one brief night. And I should stop you before you get prepared to read a story filled with sex, gambling and alcohol. There was absolutely no sex, only three slot machine rounds, and one cocktail.

I went to Vegas to help Barbarella transport two cats most of the way to Utah. (Barbarella is leaving the East Coast for Mormon territory. She had decided to save the helpless animals of the West.) The adventure started in JFK airport when we stuffed a very large kitty into a very small carrying case. Luckly the cats were tranqed--awake, yet loopy.

On board the plane, Barbarella and I sat next to each other in aisle seats. A kindly man, not unlike Santa Claus, sat beside me. He smiled benignly at the cats and mentioned that he has cats of his own. I wish Santa sat next to me for the rest of the flight....

Soon after take off, Santa moved to sit in the empty first row in front of us. But I was not to keep my extra arm-room. A Russian man quickly took Santa's place next to me. The Russian's ugly daughter and soon-to-be son-in-law took the empty seats next to Santa. I didn't think anything of this round of musical chairs and quietly dosed off to sleep.

I was rudely awakened by a Russian stewardess who roughly raised the arm of my chair and practically dragged me from my seat. "You have to move back there," she pointed vaguely toward the back of the plane. "There's one more person coming." Dumbfounded and drowsy, I rose from my seat. My mouth opened to voice my objection, when Barbarella angrilly declared, "We are together and we have cats!" Well, those were the magic words. I was released and allowed to remain were I was. The stewardess was aplogetic. The Russian man's wife had to stay where she was.

I wish I had moved. Throughout the entire flight, the Russian man invaded my space. He continually sat forward and leaned over my way to stick his mouth between the two seats to talk to his daughter. Then he started changing the channels on my personal television. "Um, your controls are on the other side," I corrected him. "Oh! Left!" he said and lifted his left hand. I nodded. A few minutes later he tried to plug his headset into my outlet. "Yours in on the left," I corrected him again. "Oh, yes, sorry!" Why? Why must I be inconvenienced?

And the flight attendants were attending to them more than everyone else. They were getting snacks and drinks left and right. I asked for another cookie and was basically ignored. Barbarella had to ambush the flight attendant station and practically steal the cookie for me.

The story continues later with the drive to the hotel and a quick tour of Vegas.....

The Lady Regrets....

2005-06-30T16:04:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry. I have to comment. I'm sure that I am being trite. I am jumping on the bandwagon. But I am flabbergasted. I am dumbfounded. His nightmarish grin is everywhere. I cannot escape from it. And yet I feel compelled to perpetuate the madness.

I always known in my heart that the man was devoid of a human soul. Now recent events in celebrity news have confirmed my suspicions. Even Quiconque must take note. First, he was squirted in the face with some water, and behaved like a pre-school teacher, grabbing the assailant's hand and asking in his brainwashed way, "Now, why would you do that?" ('Cause it's funny, see?) What an obvious c*m shot that was! And now he declares that he is a professor of psychology! Lord, help us all!

Watch Where You Step!

2005-06-16T14:30:00.000-04:00

"They think they're going out on a pristine climb and there's virus-laden poo all around them," said Dr. Bradford Gessner, a mountaineer and one of the study's authors.
(Brought to my attention by Barbarella.)

Speak up, sonny!

2005-05-10T18:16:00.000-04:00

As I recounted in my last post I have been suffering with ear infections. Thanks to the miracle of antibiotics, I am happy to report that I have regained 4.5 of my senses. I can smell and taste, thank Vishnu. Eating is pleasurable again.

My hearing, on the other hand, is not so good. I'm slowly getting my hearing back, but I am not 100%. Last week, I felt like I was trapped underwater. My ears distorted sounds and music. The dial tone on the phone sounded different in each ear. Those effects have diminished. My ears are still congested, however. Sounds seem to have a metallic edge to them. Voices sound higher than normal. The shower sounds like pins and needles falling. My own breath and heartbeat thunder in my ears.

The ears pop and crackle when I swallow or yawn. I read that is a good sign. It seems "they" are right. I no longer annoy my friends, family and co-workers with my blank stares or incessant, "What did you say?"

My days of ignoring people and blaming it on my ear infection are numbered....

M.I.A.

2005-04-26T19:12:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know I have been away for a very long time. I promise to update soon. Right now, I am suffering from ear infections. I cannot hear, smell or taste. Luckily I have the other two senses still functioning.

...like your mother.

2005-03-29T14:40:00.000-05:00

No matter how wonderful one may think one's mother is, no woman wants to hear that she is turning or, will turn, into her mother.

Basie told me yesterday, "When you get older, you will have skin like your mother's." I know that my mother has wonderful skin. It is very even and smooth without a single wrinkle. But my immediate response was to cringe. I went on the defensive. "What? Why? What do you mean?" Of course he meant nothing by it. But why do we have such a reaction?

Out of the Mouths of Babes....

2005-03-29T10:17:00.000-05:00

The Bronx clan sat down to the bounty that was Easter dinner. All the yummy food was laid out before us. We were drooling with anticipation. Baby Beast pointed to the tray of stuffed mushrooms and asked, "Is that a doo-doo, Gwa'ma?" Everyone laughed their heads off. We responded, "Yes, it is." Poor Baby Beast will never learn what is correct in this family of fools.

Wha'?

2005-03-09T14:12:00.000-05:00

Crazy? Paranoid? Conceited?

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=638&e=1&u=/nm/20050309/en_nm/people_crowe_dc

Vacation Vacuum

2005-02-23T14:10:00.000-05:00

As I look back with fondness on my day off from work on Monday, President's Day, I am reminded that the next national holiday is Monday, May 30. This makes me very sad indeed. What will I have to look forward to between now and then? Life will be long and slow in the meantime.

You'll Know What I Want When I Come to Kill You!

2005-02-12T13:16:00.000-05:00

This was found lurking in the corner of an empty judge's chamber in the Thurgood Marshall Courthouse. Upon closer inspection, the little yellow sticker reads, "PLAINTIFF EXHIBIT 51". *eep!*

Breakin' It Down

2005-02-07T23:30:00.000-05:00

I saw Bassie in concert for the first time on Friday. He was playing at the Rose Center--the new planetarium now associated with the American Museum of Natural History. Not only was I in attendance, but so were Quiconque, Super Fudge, Prima, Barbarella, and C-note. (Requests for a new moniker for C-note are being accepted at this time.) Bassie performed wonderfully in concert and in front of my friends. Yes, he was shy. They are an intimidating bunch of women. But they all liked him very much. And Bassie does indeed "lay down a fat-ass groove."

When Friars Attack

2005-02-07T23:15:00.000-05:00

We have survived another monk invasion this weekend. The first occurred Thanksgiving day, when eight Franciscan friars descended upon our house in search of festive gourmandizing. Thanksgiving was an especially trying time since the extended family was also there to manage. A grand total of twenty-three people were in my house that day. Luckily this weekend, the guestlist was shorter.

Br. Ephrem wanted to provide these young friars with a taste of Trinidadian cuisine, so he orchestrated this get-together. He was all a-twitter showing his friends the different types of food. The friars enjoyed themselves and they are an interesting bunch of boys. We traded stories, talked about Lord of the Rings (yes, we are geeks), and played an intense game of MindTrap. A fight nearly broke out because one friar could not believe that 1/3 is the same as .333333333. It's all due to a question asking how many cans of 97% caffeine-free soda does one need to drink to get enough caffeine to equal one can of regularly caffeinated soda. Answer: 33.33333 or 33 1/3 cans. Sorry Br. Tobias, math--it's like that. He also dropped Baby Beast on his head in an attempt to do some acrobatic trick. Br. Tobias, he's a trouble-maker. The friars also left the toilet seat up.

But they all eventually left and the house was peaceful and quiet again. Relatively speaking.....

Under Pressure

2005-01-31T16:45:00.000-05:00

I'm being pressured from outside forces to update my blog. And yes, I have been feeling this pressure internally myself. That's the problem with these things--they require maintenance.

Argh let's see......

I am on an indefinite hiatus from the online dating world. I must leave all interesting stories and anecdotes concerning said service to the lovely Prima. Why? Why am I on hiatus? I met someone who is very nice and whom I like very much. So it would not be right or fair to him to continue surfing the personals in search of freaks and freakish conversation. This nice boy I met is the same one from the post entitled, Libelous Rumors. We shall call him Basie, in order to protect his identity.

Basie is tenacious and has not been scared off by me and my larger-than-life family. After dinner on our first "date", we met my boisterous sister (Quiconque) for dessert. If the boy did not run for the hills after dealing with the two of us, then he is good people!

"A Worrying Obsession"

2005-01-20T19:00:00.000-05:00

He's a menace, I say. A menace!

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/afp/britaincrimemasks

Hey Shorty, it's your birthday!

2005-01-19T11:35:00.000-05:00

Yes, it is my birthday! I turn the big 28 today. When did I grow up?

I was trying to find some foolish, astrological mumbo-jumbo to provide some insight into the personality traits of someone born on January 19. Here's what I have found so far:

"Originality and individuality are the effects that the Sun, which rules this day and the combination of Uranus and Saturn, the ruling planets for the Capricorn/Aquarius cusp has [sic]on the January 19th person. This person has the creative energy to change the views of those who they come in contact with. They would do well in careers that allow them to ideate. As a mate the January 19th person tends to be a bit emotionally eccentric."

I share this birthday with quite a few notable personalities: Paul Cezanne, Robert E. Lee, Edgar Allen Poe, Janis Joplin, Dolly Parton. Perhaps something of my personality can be found there...Creative, bossy, morbidly tortured, self-destuctive alcoholic, and voluptuous.

Libelous Rumors

2005-01-07T16:25:00.000-05:00

I have recently been the victim of slander. My good name is being dragged through the mud! And I look on with detatched fascination.

Does such behavior still occur once we've graduated from high school? I find it unbelievable, but there am I in its midst. I am not even angry. How could I be when such accusations are so laughable and false?

I am being called a liar and a manipulator. I feel kind of like a criminal mastermind. How flattering! These stories are being told in the hopes that a certain boy would stop associating with me. Luckily this boy is smart and can see the stories for what they are--lies.

It had gotten rather dramatic for a while. There was much he said/she said action going on; lots of awkward emails and phone calls. I was even called out on the slanderers blog! I became part of a cyber-standoff. The gauntlet was thrown. I was amused. I was even going to reference her blog in one of my entries. And then.....

Poof! She disappeared. She removed her blog and her profile, changed her phone number, and ran away. One last attempt was made by "her" to contact this smart boy, but he wants nothing to do with her. Their friendship is over.

Now I must go make some new enemies.....

From Dominance to Submission

2005-01-03T02:48:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems as though I am a magnet for freaks. Perhaps I should be more diplomatic--a magnet for the sexually adventurous. It's happened again. I've been approached by another "adventurous" man. At least this time I was on the receiving end of the worship... (The dialogue is a little long, but well worth it.)

Him: hi there
Him: you look like a goddess
Me: Thank you
Him: you are so welcome
Him: a goddess should be worshipped and Obeyed
Me: I couldn't agree more
Him: yes
Me: It's quite late. What are you doing awake?
Him: i was off today getting over the last of a cold so i slept a lot today now i'm awake
Me: Sleep is good.
Him: yes it is. are you sleepy, goddess?
Me: Well, I am, but I am awake, chatting with a friend
Him: ok. god you are beautiful
Me: thank you again
Me: It's hard to react to complements
Him: welcome.
Him: yes but i loved that you agreed you should be worshipped and obeyed... i feel that when i look at you
Me: Wow. Who knew I had such power
Him: yes you do
Me: It appears that you are in some type of band
Him: if you want it ( power)
Him: yeah i was in a band now i'm trying to start another
Me: what type of music?
Him: the previous band was pop/rock. i'm now doing a mix of influences- rock/jazz/blues improv experimental
Me: you seem to live a corporate life as well.
Him: yeah i work in a bank -customer serv
Me: that does not sound easy
Him: it's a challenge yeh
Me: what else are you doing right now, besides chatting with me?
Him: nothing actually
Him: i like your profile - i don't really know what to ask you but i enjoy your probing questions
Me: What did you like about my profile?
Him: you seem cool and intelligent.
Me: Thanks. You seem a man of few words.
Him: and looking at your pic makes me want to Obey you
Me: I was once told that my profile makes me sound over-intellectual and not much fun.
Him: no it seems like you're down to earth and cool, not uptight or egotistical
Me: I like to think that I am. However, I do think I should be worshipped, so that might be construed as egotistical.
Him: god yes
Him: i agree
Him: you should be
Him: i would be helpless before you
Me: For a sec I thought you meant that I was egotistical
Me: I bet you say that to all the ladies
Him: not exactly no
Him: i say it to you because i feel it
Me: Wow.
Him: but i'm probably too weird for you
Me: Why do you say this?
Him: basically i can be seen as a submissive pervert
Me: Ah. I see the submissive
Him: yes
Me: Do you tend to be submissive?
Him: yes- mainly in bed
Him: very
Me: You like to be told what to do
Him: yes
Him: in bed
Me: You just want me to keep asking you questions?
Him: i like responding to you very much and i like you taking control
Him: sorry i'm so weird
Me: Alright.
Me: Any line of questioning off limits?
Him: no you can ask me anything please
Me: Hmmmm......
Me: Ack. I cannot think of anything. Let's see.....
Him: any thing really
Me: You want me to ask you naughty questions, don't you?
Him: if it is in your interest-if it is your will goddess- yes
Me: you are too funny
Him: i am here for your amusement
Me: What do you do for fun besides play music?
Him: read, meditate, watch & collect dvd's, smoke a little herb now and again, worship your pic...
Me: How long have you been worshipping my picture?
Him: since i first saw it 2 nite about 1/2 hour
Me: Okay. I was just wondering
Him: if you had me alone and knew i was helpless to obey you would u like that
Me: for a while, yes.
Him: oh god yes. would you make me get on my knees and kiss your feet?
Me: Yes
Him: oh god yes please
Him: i would be in bliss to be made to kiss and worship your feet goddess
Me: And I will make you run errands, too.
Him: oh god yes use me
Me: Because I tend to be lazy and need people to go to the store for me.
Him: yes i would do it goddess
Me: Really? Wow
Him: yes
Him: i would be your bitch
Me: handy
Me: What would you be unwilling to do?
Him: no -extreme- pain or hurt to myself or others
Me: That's a good boundary
Me: would you be willing to clean my house?
Him: yes
Him: would u make me wear a maid uniform
Me: A little black and white one
Him: my long legs look nice in pantyhose
Him: oh god yes
Me: Would you shave your legs?
Him: yes
Me: and wear heels?
Him: yes goddess
Me: Have you ever worn heels before?
Him: yes
Me: Did you like it?
Him: yes so much it makes me feel so feminine and vulnerable
Me: It is not vulnerable to be feminine
Him: no...but for me i like the feeling of heels
Me: There is much power in femininity
Him: yes goddess...i worship your power
Me: See, I'm feminine and you are eating out of my hand
Him: yess
Me: How long have you been submissive?
Him: years
Him: i would eat whatever you tell me to
Me: Would you eat lima beans? I hate those.
Him: yes if it is your will
Me: Uhhh....what else would I ask you to eat.....
Me: okra. I don't like that either. Too slimy. Would you eat that if I asked?
Him: yes
Me: Have you ever had it?
Him: anything goddess
Him: no
Me: It's green and the insides look like snot
Him: i would eat it if you told me to. i want to obey you
Him: my mouth and tongue would belong to you
Me: You are trying to get me to ask you to eat something in particular, aren't you?
Him: no- i like to know what would please you goddess- submitting to your will is my bliss
Me: Are you really enjoying this?
Him: god yes so much
Me: Alright...Would you clean out under my bed? I haven't been under there in a while. It might be kinda scary.
Him: yes goddess i will take everything out and clean every inch
Me: Are you "enjoying" yourself?
Him: i feel very turned on
Me: I see
Him: thank you so much
Me: For what?
Him: my whole body tingles at just the idea of submitting to you the things you suggested
Him: wearing heels for you
Him: getting on my knees and cleaning for you
Him: obeying you
Him: i would submit to your darkest desire
Me: My darkest desire?
Me: My darkest desire is not pretty
Him: yes
Him: i want to serve you
Me: It often involves violence
Him: i want to submit to your power
Me: Would you beat people up if I asked?
Him: no...u know my limits goddess
Me: But that's usually what my darkest desires entail.
Him: well i meant kinda sexual or perverse
Me: That's why they are dark
Me: Ah. I don't know that I have any perverse sexual desires.
Him: if goddess feels i need discipline or humiliation i must accept it
Me: I think I might have to make you wear the maid uniform when you go get the groceries at the store.
Him: yes goddess
Me: And the heels
Him: yess
Me: And you will have to walk there and back
Him: yes goddess for you
Him: have you ever thought of a 2 way strap on?
Me: never
Him: yes i don't because i need to obey you
Me: Ha! Liar!
Him: no i am your bitch
Me: Did you want me to use the strap-on?
Him: yes
Me: Do you like strap-ons?
Him: yes
Me: Explain the fascination
Him: i want to submit- also anyone with honesty knows stimulation there is pleasurable for anyone who enjoys the feeling
Me: I was just curious
Him: would u require me to suck your toes?
Me: No. Perhaps wash my feet, though
Him: yes i will
Me: Give me a foot massage.
Him: would u require me to - toss the salad?
Me: no, that would be quite alright
Him: u ever try?
Me: no
Him: women LOVE it
Me: I'm sure you've tossed a few salads.
Him: actually believe or not i never did- just one brief moment once- i want to so badly again- for a long time
Me: I've never experienced any side of it. What's the appeal?
Him: i've just heard so many women who love it- first it's total submission, there's many sensitive nerve endings there u should read up on it in a modern sex book or online---too bad...i would love to worship your sweet asshole
Him: sorry if that's too heavy
Me: I know there are many nerve endings all around there. It's just never been something that appealed to me.
Me: But thank you for being willing to worship my sweet asshole.
Him: you are so welcome- i would lick it for hours
Him: i guess i am too weird tho....
Me: Sorry. I'm a little as a loss for words
Me: no. Not the weirdest I've come across
Him: i would even submit to something that some would consider gross
Me: I don't need you to sumbit to anything too gross.
Him: golden
Me: my needs are rather tame
Him: no golden shower then....
Me: ??
Him: sorry you probably wouldn't like it
Me: explain it anyway
Me: Wait, I got it
Him: yes goddess i must obey you
Me: You want me to pee on you
Him: yes
Him: yes goddess
Me: I've never peed on anyone before
Him: oh god i would love it please while i am in hose and heels below you
Me: okay...
Him: please make me your toilet
Him: oh god yes
Him: may i have your email
Me: I think I have to decline
Him: (provides email)
Him: why decline goddess?
Him: i worship your power and beauty so much
Me: Because I am not into submission and domination. I am a simple woman.
Him: just one time
Him: use me as your toilet
Him: anyway it was much fun
Him: u have my email if u change your mind
Me: I'm sorry that I couldn't be more for you
Him: no i loved it
Him: so hot
Him: you making me wear heels
Me: I hope you find someone to pee on you soon
Him: goodnight tho i'm outta time
Him: thanks
Me: Good night!
Him: wish it was u
Me: Alas...

It appears that after these two posted encounters, I need to invest in a strap-on. Then there will be no stopping me...

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

2004-12-19T17:00:00.000-05:00

Oh tannenbaum...

There is it. The Christmas tree--erected yesterday without fuss or drama. It was quite a remarkable thing. No one bickered about what should go where. Every strand of lights worked when plugged in. And no glass balls were harmed in the making of the tree. I suppose it helps when only two people work on it--me and Super Fudge.

Note the tree topper. Yes. It is she, our totem--Barbie. In the 80's we used to have a psychedelic, blinking star. But that somehow disappeared. Then for the past few years we had some scary, blond angel with a vacant expression on her face. Quiconque kept pressuring me to repaint the angel so that she was brown. As much as the idea of a black angel with blond hair appealed to me, ghetto-fabulous as that may have been, I never got around to doing it. Ah, but this year, we got clever. We ressurected a long forgotten birthday present--a black Barbie angel--and afixed her to the top of the tree. It seemed right. All is in harmony.

Yesterday was also the birthday of my beloved father. It is a family tradition to erect the tree and start decorating on my father's birthday. (Everything is dismantled in January on my mother's birthday.) I was afraid that the day would turn into a maudlin spectacle of emotion, but we all kept it together. We acknowledged the birthday and went on with our lives. We are all still sad, but the memories are joyful.

Worship the "rooster"!

2004-12-12T06:06:00.000-05:00

This post has been reissued. I had orginially edited the language and put my substitutes in quotes. However, due to much confusion, I have decided to reissue this post uncensored.

After two short weeks of this online dating stuff, I find myself bored of it. I gave the hipster site one more chance and I was disappointed yet again. However as Prima pointed out in response to my last post, this online dating scene provides much fodder for blogging.

A few nights ago, I was engaged in a chat with a man who had one thing on his mind. I tried to see how far I could provoke him. He was simple and did not notice the subtlety of my teasing. I have provided you with an excerpt of the conversation.

Him: horny?
Me: Just in my photo (In my photo, I'm wearing demon horns)
Me: you?
Him: yes...i'm horny
Me: There isn't much to say about that
Him: so true..you must get a ton of responses...very sexy
Me: Thank you. I get a few
Him: i bet.. definitely my type...curvy?
Me: I guess so...
Him: good... i like curvy
Me: How many people have you propositioned tonight?
Him: well, horny, curvy girl.. just you so far.
Me: Horny, curvy girl? Are those terms of endearment?
Him: yes
Me: Just checking
Him: mmm hmmm
Me: What're you humming about?
Him: about a sexy girl named.. what is your name?
Me: You just get to call me Thlayli for now.
Him: do you play?
Me: What do you mean by play?
Him: pussy...my big cock gets sucked
Me: Wow. you're forward
Him: yes i am...can't handle it?
Me: It's a little much for me. Are you successful in getting other women to help you out? I'm really rather innocent
Him: i believe you
Me: Why do you believe me?
Him: i just do and yes, i am successful
Me: I could be lying to you just to mess with you (Here I am telling him the truth and he still doesn't get it.)
Him: you seem trustworthy
Me: How so? you've only been chatting with me for a few minutes.
Him: a hunch...i think you have "interests"...fair to say?
Me: "interests" Elaborate. What do you mean?
Him: i think you like sex
Me: It's an enjoyable enough pasttime.
Him: very when you're with a good partner
Me: And you think you are a good partner?
Him: yes indeed
Me: I'm sure you've had lots of practice, too.
Him: yup
Him: you need some cock in my opinion
Him: mine
Me: Yeah?
Him: yeah
Me: Tell me why I need your cock?
Him: you need to learn to suck a dom's cock...been with a dominant male?
Me: What do you mean by dominant?
Him: i like to spank, have my cock worshipped
Him: i like to be in charge in bed
Him: the woman gets her pussy "f---ed" (he originally used all the letters), and has plenty of pleasure
Me: You don't like to be the submissive?
Him: occasionally but only occasionally
Me: What type of women do you allow to dominate you?
Him: just ones who like to wear a strap on
Me: Aha. I see....So you like to give and receive
Him: of interest?
Him: you figured me out
Me: I am intellectually interested
Him: good
Him: here's my email (provides email) let's keep in contact... maybe we'll meet sometime?
Me: I don't know.......You may be too much man for me.
Him: probably
Me: And I don't own a strap-on.
Him: i prefer to dom
Me: So do I
Him: cool...what do you like
Me: To push people's buttons
Him: good (Ah, still doesn't get it.)
Me: What made you look at my profile?
Him: sexy
Me: How did you even find the picture?
Him: just browsing
Me: Well, lucky you.
Him: yes indeed

Pride? What’s that?

2004-12-10T19:45:00.000-05:00

I have decided to enter into that humbling and sometimes embarrassing scene of….wait for it…..online dating. (gasp) I have realized that although I live in the most populated city in the country—8 million and growing—I find it hard to meet people. So I have embarked on this journey. I am new to this, having come to this decision two weeks ago. I signed up first for a more conservative dating service. Then "teh l2icks0r" introduced me to a more hip and happening service. I must admit I like this one more. However, what seemed to be a beginning filled with promise and opportunity, is now fading into something akin to desperation and pathetic-ness. I had a “date” within my first week. But now the guy doesn’t seem to want to talk to me anymore. I try to initiate chats, and the men swiftly go off-line. I leave funny, quick messages and they go unanswered. I am being ignored both actually and virtually. Will my repellency know no bounds?

I have revamped my profile, tried to be more sincere, more witty, more real. However, I've been told, "She sounds like a real intellectual, and not that much fun. I like an intelligent women, but one with a humorous side. She is too out there and it comes across in her profile. Plus I wouldn’t read it cause I would never get past the pictures." I've looked at it again. I cannot see it. Perhaps I am too out there, whatever that means.

I took a personality quiz on that conservative site. It told me that I was like only 8% of the tens of thousands of women who have taken the test. And only 1% of men who have taken the test are attracted to my type of personality. I should start packing my bags for the convent.

Multiple personalities

2004-12-08T22:58:00.000-05:00

So it seems that I have set up a blog without my knowledge. I have mad skills. Now I have to come up with essays employing my witty and unique perspective on the world...More to come....

Ah yeah...welcome to the Hellastopheles weblog

2004-12-08T22:50:00.000-05:00

I am your host and here is my first blog entry:

Today I created my weblog without having any knowledge of it.